4:46 PM

10 Careers I’ve desired, in chronological order:

1. Nurse
I liked the costume. Still do! I also liked my Fisher Price med kit. Still do! The thought of working in the medical field now though seems as strange as going into space. I can barely handle the small amount of pressure in my life now, I can’t imagine being able to handle the stress of tending to the health of strangers.
2. Vet
I like kitties. Still do! I wouldn’t want to work with animals though, this was a 6 year old dream. When I was 6 it seemed like my options were nurse, vet, or Mom.
3. Pop Singer
I discovered I could sort of sing when I was 8 & since Madonna can also sort of sing I figured I was all set!
4. Investigative Reporter
I think I read a book about an investigative reporter & my 7th grade English teacher told me I’d make a good one. He was very encouraging. I’d be terrible! I like minding my own business.
5. Meteorologist
I was really into clouds & thunderstorms. I’m still obsessed with weather & report it often to SB. I’m definitely going to be one of those elderly people who only watches The Weather Network.
6. Casting Director
When I would read Christian Slater interviews, which I did often, I’d read that his Mom was a casting director & thought that sounded awesome. I didn’t realize that there were only like, 7 casting directors in the whole world & thought I could actually achieve this goal. It still sounds pretty awesome.
7. Elementary School Librarian
I still like the idea of being a librarian. My elementary school librarian was eccentric & wonderful. I’d like to be like her. I’m probably too eccentric to work a day job though.
8. Thrift/Antique/Used Book & Magazine Store Owner 
If a distant rich relative leaves us money in a will so we could have a job that makes little money but delivers a lot of creative satisfaction this might be an option. Otherwise it remains a dream.
9. Film Historian
Because Robert Osborne is my hero! I’d still love to have this job. A film or fashion archivist career would delight me.
10. Essayist 
This is my current career goal. It’s fun to have career goals when you’re 34! 

These are the jobs I’ve had, in chronological order:

1. Nanny
Most of my teenage babysitting gigs turned into long term nanny jobs for crummy Moms where I raised their kids as best as a 12 year old could. It was fun, but it also gave me the mistaken impression that I wanted babies. Gross.
2. Store Clerk at a Novelty Shop 
This was my first legit job. I loved it & I learned how to pierce ears & count back change.
3. Video Store Clerk
Working at a video store in the mid-90s is exactly as cool as it sounds. We had a porn room!
4. Ladies Clothing Store Clerk 
I love folding clothing & I was the lingerie clerk for a spell. Getting to tell ladies which bra would suit them best was a delight!
5. Telemarketer
I was super excited to get this job because it paid SIX DOLLARS AN HOUR! It turned out to be the worst job ever! I did product surveys where I called people in the middle of the afternoon & asked if they enjoyed Fresca. The first call I made the woman who answered replied to my spleel with, “Oh my god, I am at a FUNERAL!” FANTASTIC!
6. Shoe Store Clerk
This job wasn’t so bad. I was robbed when I was working the store alone. They stole like, 4 pair of shoes & it was a discount shoe store. What a lame robbery!
7. File Clerk
I find collating tremendously soothing.
8. Data Entry Clerk
I find entering data into a spreadsheet tremendously soothing, though slightly less calming than collating.
9. Transcriptionist/Typist
I hate transcribing audio! I can’t understand what anyone is saying & the subject is usually dull, but I still have to pay attention to the stupid words in order to type them out. I do like typing though & I type freaky fast, so typing up documents is alright.
10. Unpaid Blogger
This is my most artistically satisfying endeavour, even if the pay is shit.